Chapter 12
News is buzzing now about Yin Xia Mo and Luo Xi’s alleged breakup, and reporters hover around the set for Tian Xia Sheng Shi everyday to try to get the latest scoop. Since Shen Qiang is rumored to have close ties with Luo Xi, she is not left out of the spotlight either as the paparazzi clamor to get her opinion on Luo Xi’s personal life. Shen Qiang remains polite and tells them that she is not aware of the circumstances and unfortunately, cannot give them any definite answer. Luo Xi has declined to answer any questions although his outer appearance remains his ever perfect and unflappable calm, and he continues to smile and greet everyone with warmth.
However, Shen Qiang’s gaze never leaves Luo Xi. In the past, whenever he was on the phone with Yin Xia Mo, his voice would become incredibly warm and intimate, chuckling softly and smiling at whatever was being said on the other line. But now, Luo Xi has thrown himself completely into work and his cell phone sits tucked away somewhere, turned off.
Have they broken up…? The more pain he is in, the more beautiful he becomes. The more devastated he becomes, the more he acts like he doesn’t care. Luo Xi… is really just like a child sometimes…
The reporters excitedly ask for a picture of the leading actors together. Stand closer to one another! Be more intimate, please!
As Luo Xi lightly wraps his arms around Shen Qiang, she feels herself becoming heady from his surrounding warmth. However, the expressions of shock on the surrounding reporters and filming crew has them pausing and Luo Xi also turns his head towards their focus. Shen Qiang tries to do the same but is stilled by the sudden tense grip of Luo Xi’s hand. Seeing the cool expression on his face, Shen Qiang thinks of the recent news…
Is it… her?
Looking perfect and beautiful with a rosy smile on her lips, Xia Mo walks in with none of the typical Prima Donna attitude that most stars possess. Neither does she seem to be at all jealous of the intimate pose that Luo Xi and Shen Qiang are currently in, which actually surprises Shen Qiang.
Luo Xi has not said anything, his gaze only on Xia Mo, the expression in his eyes fathomless. Everyone is aware of his relationship with Yin Xia Mo, and even more aware of the rumored breakup and they all wait in tense silence to see what his reaction will be at Yin Xia Mo’s arrival.
Xia Mo acts as if nothing is out of the ordinary, holding out a bag of fruit and a big container of sushi. Jie Ni rushes to her side in excitement, asking if she is here to visit the set, to which Xia Mo smiles in kind and nods her head. As the sushi is distributed out, the filming crew are in awe at how meticulously made each piece is and the previous tension fades away. Although Shen Qiang does not know what Yin Xia Mo’s motives are for coming, this simple act makes Shen Qiang believe that Yin Xia Mo is trying to fix the relationship.
The reporters clamor around Xia Mo now and eagerly ask her if she has seen the recent news; has she and Luo Xi really separated?? Xia Mo laughs lightly; you mean people actually believe the gossip that is going around right now? Hesitation momentarily seizes them but then a reporter asks whether or not Luo Xi specifically believes the gossip. At this time, Luo Xi walks up to Xia Mo, placing an arm around her and a gentle kiss on her forehead.
“Does it look like we’ve broken up?”
The reporters are mildly confused. While it is true that Yin Xia Mo wouldn’t visit the set if they were separated, the feeling between them also doesn’t seem quite right…
“Please help us clarify the matter in the news tomorrow; we are very well.”
*******
In Luo Xi’s private room, Xia Mo sees the newspaper with the picture of her and Ou Chen at the hospital. Picking it up, her gaze rests on it for a few seconds before laughing lightly and turning to Luo Xi.
“Is this why you haven’t been picking up my calls?”
“Why are you here?”
Xia Mo momentarily freezes at the harshness in his voice and then tries to put up a brave front. “Someone randomly decided to play MIA and so I’m here to see if he’s still on this planet.” Silence. “The fruit is all washed, so you can just eat it straight out of the bag. I made the sushi myself but might have made too much. If you can’t finish it all today, then just throw it out tomorrow.”
“Thanks.”
Luo Xi does not reach for the box of sushi until it is placed directly in front of him. Under Xia Mo’s direct gaze, Luo Xi only then opens the box to find about twenty pieces of sushi, all different and painstakingly created. Saying nothing, Luo Xi only stares at this offering. Slightly nervous now, Xia Mo hesitatingly asks him if he doesn’t like them.
“You know what, Xia Mo? Sometimes I really worry about the day when you will be especially good to me. Someone once gave me a really big, really delicious ice cream cone but after I finished eating it, she was gone. It seems like every time I reach the highest point of my happiness, it is only the beginning of heartbreak.” Pause. “If I eat all this sushi, will you disappear too?”
Hugging Luo Xi close to her, Xia Mo whispers fervently, “No, no, I won’t disappear.”
“Really?” Luo Xi pushes Xia Mo away. “But, I no longer trust you.”
“Is it because of the newspapers? So you’ve been refusing to pick up any of my calls these past few days?”
Luo Xi says nothing, only stares back coolly at her. The pain in Xia Mo’s heart increases. Even when An Hui Ni was so ruthlessly attacking her, Xia Mo has never felt this cold and hopeless.
“You said you would believe in me.”
“Yes, I did say that. But what have you given me in return?”
“I didn’t lie to you.”
“No, you didn’t lie to me. But you chose to purposely mislead me… When I asked if you had gone to see Ou Chen, you only said that you hadn’t agreed to some kind of a bargain with him, that you hadn’t promised him anything…”
“It’s the truth.”
“But I asked you whether or not you had gone to see him…”
“Is there a difference? What bothers you? If you mind that I saw Ou Chen, that is a rather difficult thing to not do considering that I work for Ou Hua Corporations! If you mind whether or not I agreed to some condition for your series, I will again say it now – no!”
“So… you did see him.”
“… Yes.”
“Did you seek him out or did he do it?”
“… I sought him.”
“Didn’t I tell you not to? In fact, even earlier, didn’t I ask you to not see or talk to him, regardless of the reason? And what did you promise me? You said you wouldn’t see him. You said you wouldn’t talk to him. You said that even if he saw you, you would ignore him.”
“The only reason I went to see him was -”
“I don’t want to hear it! You’re always so full of excuses!”
“Because I don’t want our past relationship to hurt you! That has ended!”
“Ended… Is that what you call your expression as you guarded over his sickly self in the hospital?! How do you expect me to believe you? You promised me you wouldn’t find him and yet you did it anyway. And then when you did see him, you purposely avoided my question when I specifically asked you. You keep saying you want nothing to do with him and yet you agreed to take on Golden Dance! Maybe you did it for yourself… Didn’t you once say that there is no love in your heart, only the desire to succeed? That to succeed, you will do anything your power. So now you’ve decided to sacrifice me for this chance?”
“Is that what you really think of me?!”
Seeing the ashen and pained look on Xia Mo’s face, Luo Xi feels his own heart break! No, that’s not what he really thinks of her; he never honestly suspected her! If she is really trying to be opportunistic, then she should just break up with him and not stand here trying to exclaim herself. Given her personality, if she really didn’t care about him, then she wouldn’t repeatedly call him, and even after being ignored by him, she wouldn’t have come to visit the set.
But that picture of them together… with Xia Mo looking so gently down upon Ou Chen… It has created a fear and paranoia within himself, a black hole in his heart…
Knock knock! “Luo Xi, your scene is up next. The director wants you to start prepping.”
Glancing back at Xia Mo, it seems that Luo Xi wants to say something but then chooses not to say anything at all. Leaving her standing there with pain building in her heart, Luo Xi walks out of the room, closing the door solidly behind him.
*******
When Xia Mo later returns home that night, she takes a moment to compose herself and forces a bright smile on her face. However, when she opens the door, Xiao Cheng is not waiting for her with dinner made as is customary, and the house is consumed in darkness. Alarmed, Xia Mo instantly rushes into his bedroom and upon turning on the light, finds a pale and ashen Xiao Cheng lying motionless on the bed.
Hearing Xia Mo frantically calling his name, Xiao Cheng weakly opens his eyes and smiles back at his sister. As if in still caught in a dream, Xiao Cheng tries to blink the sleepiness out of his eyes but his gaze seems to remain slightly unfocused.
Realizing that Xiao Cheng is running a high fever, Xia Mo is determined to take him to the hospital, although he assures her that he just needs to rest for a little while. Changing the subject, Xiao Cheng implores his older sister to make him some chicken wings – they were so good the last time she made them… he’ll be fine…
Xia Mo tells Xiao Cheng that she’ll make him some congee instead and after he’s done eating, she’s taking him immediately to see the doctor. She rushes out of the bedroom and shakily closes the door. Suddenly, Luo Xi’s coldness and harshness no longer seems so important anymore; she just wants Xiao Cheng to get better! She just wants Xiao Cheng to live happily!
Xiao Cheng… will be okay…
*******
The crew of Tian Xia Sheng Shi have convened at Pao Mo Bar to celebrate a successful day of filming. They are doubly excited because both Luo Xi and Shen Qiang have decided to join them for happy hour and so they are basking in being in the presence of such star power in a public venue. And in fact, Luo Xi is especially nice in person, without any of the usual star arrogance!
Sitting amidst the rambunctious and loud bar, there is not a single thing that actually enters Luo Xi’s awareness, only years of training that enables him to successfully handle such social situations. There is a girl singing on stage right now. She looks very familiar to him but yet he cannot think of where he has seen her before.
Gazing intently at the girl, she slowly becomes another person…
A light smile and soft expression, white skin and ink black long hair, just like a beautiful little mermaid… She gazes intently back at him while singing…
“If I beg with tears in my eyes
If I pretend that I don’t know you love her
If I kneel before you and plead
Would you stay for me”
The moment of hearing her footsteps that year under the cherry blossom tree… perhaps his life was fated then.
He… has no way of ever achieving happiness. Ever since Mom abandoned him that day.
There is a black hole in his heart; some things have already been completely scraped away. Somehow along the way, he has become accustomed to smiling in front of strangers. A smile on his lips and yet a cold, black hole in his heart. During the night he continuously calls out midst laughter; Mom, look now; you gave up the incredibly perfect me.
Do you… regret it?
The sixteen year old Luo Xi sitting by himself in the backyard of the Yin family under that cherry blossom tree… hoping against hope that his mom now painfully regrets giving him up… Suddenly hearing the light footsteps and looking up in wonder! Mom has returned to find him!
And then seeing the fifteen year old her -
Thinking back on it now, his feelings for her seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. She simply entered his heart, leaving a mark on him that could not be erased. She was able to see into his soul and yet she gave him no thought or concern. Only when he accidentally hurt Xiao Cheng’s feelings did she say anything at all to him, quickly acting like a Mother Hen and warning him off. In her heart, no one can ever compare to Xiao Cheng’s place. Sometimes he has even though that her main purpose to living was simply for Xiao Cheng.
And then, she slowly came to accept him, came to accept him as part of the family. When there was fast no more warmth in his life, she gave it completely to him.
Perhaps she had thought she was doing him a favor by sending him to study abroad in England; however, she has no idea how much he had hated her then! How dare she send him away simply to protect her dad’s job and allow Xiao Cheng and everyone else to live worry-free?! She didn’t even hesitate on that day.
He had thought it was hatred that made her unforgettable to him while he was living in England. Until one day his wallet was stolen – his wallet containing the one picture of her – and he gave chase like a madman down several streets just to get that picture back. Only then he understood, that mixed within that hate was a much more complicated feeling…
The girl on the stage continues to sing, her silhouette becoming fuzzy as she sways back and forth. Luo Xi gazes intently at her, his eyes black as night.
Five years later, he meets her again, even more unreachable than before. Perhaps at the beginning he got closer to her for revenge but then he overestimated himself. Because the closer he got to her, the more he started to love her. Even before she had fallen for him, he had already completely drowned. Even though it seems like she has slowly learned to like him, her eyes continue to carry a faraway expression in them, as if one day she will eventually leave him.
Although the picture of her and Ou Chen has caused him immense pain, he actually does trust her more than he has let on. If she was really trying to leave him, she wouldn’t visit him on set to explain herself and wouldn’t be trying to so hard to make him happy. He understands – and already regrets being so rash and saying such hurtful things to her.
However… he is really scared…
Luo Xi’s mental wandering is broken by the sudden applause for the girl on stage; she has finished her song and now exiting. Sometime ago the other crew members had moved to the dance floor, leaving Shen Qiang next to him.
“Do you know her?”
“No.” Of course it wouldn’t be her.
“I was just making a bet to myself… Betting when you would finally realize… that I’ve made them all leave… and that the only one left by your side is me… just me… But… haha… you’ve just been staring at that girl this entire time… not even noticing me…”
“How much have you’ve had to drink?”
“Drank… a lot… haha… But… I’m just pretending… to be drunk… haha…”
“I’ll take you home.”
“Why can’t you see me… That Yin Xia Mo… how long have you known her? I’ve been at your side this entire time… don’t you know that?” Shen Qiang suddenly throw herself at Luo Xi, tightly hugging onto him. “You never see me, do you? Even just now… you just see that strange girl… and you don’t even see me…”
“Shen Qiang…”
“Why can’t you see me?! I heard you and her talking this afternoon! Haha, haha, I purposely eavesdropped on you! Break up with her… If she hurts you so much… if she doesn’t make you happy…”
“We’re not going to break up.”
“Why?! I met you first! I liked you first! I told you a long time ago… Did you think I was just joking…?”
“So what?! The amount of time you know someone and whether or not you have feelings for them are two completely different issues!”
That has always been the thorn in his heart. He suddenly realizes why he is so afraid, why he said such hurtful things to Xia Mo today…
It’s not that he doesn’t believe her. It’s that the person she knew first… was Ou Chen. Before he had even met her, she had already belonged to Ou Chen.
Does she really have no more feelings for Ou Chen? He still remembers five years ago how coy she was with him under the cherry blossom tree and the expression on her face as she gazed up at him… Doesn’t she realize how similar her expression in that hospital picture is to that same scene?
But he realizes it and so has become so frightened that he can no longer breathe properly…
“Yin Xia Mo’s feelings for you can’t even compare to a tenth of mine!”
“Get away!”
“Do you want me to prove it to you?”
Luo Xi coldly rejects Shen Qiang’s offer – and she grabs the back of his head, forcefully pulling him towards her as she kisses him passionately. Luo Xi angrily pushes her aside; not only is he livid at the forced intimacy but worries about being caught by the paparazzi and then having Xia Mo see the picture…
“That is my proof. Are you worried about the reporters? I’m not! I don’t care what or how they choose to write, even if they decide to call me slutty and shameless for chasing after you! For you, I can give up anything! Can she?! It’s always been you helping her, you sticking up for her! What has she done for you?! She’ll only step on you to get what she wants. The most she’ll do is visit you on set and give you some food, but she won’t come out and publicly announce that she will have nothing to do with Golden Dance, the series that is purposely competing with yours!”
Luo Xi becomes more and more pale as he listens to Shen Qiang. Seeing the sudden indecision and pain on Luo Xi’s face, Shen Qiang also hurts with him – and kisses him again…
*******
Xia Mo sits quietly in the patient room, having ignored Xiao Cheng’s protests and taken him directly to the hospital. After working with the many doctors, and running several tests, they have all informed Xia Mo that Xiao Cheng will need to stay in the hospital for further care.
Seeing the pale and weakened Xiao Cheng laying on the hospital bed and yet trying to maintain a cheerful demeanor for her, Xia Mo’s heart catches in her throat. Looking at him now, she realizes that Xiao Cheng has gotten thinner, his face so pale that it almost seems translucent. But his appetite hasn’t decreased these past few days and so she had thought that he was just as healthy as before if not more…
Was she wrong? Has she forgotten to do something for him?
“Sis, you know that doctors react hugely to small things. I just had a small fever a few days ago but my health is really good. I can live to be eighty, no problem. Don’t worry, Sis, it’s going to be fine.”
Xia Mo has already decided to stay at the hospital with Xiao Cheng, having turned down her scheduled shoots. When she had initially called Zhen En, the latter had instantly freaked out and started yelling; however, after realizing what had happened with Xiao Cheng, Zhen En had told Xia Mo not to worry and that no matter what, she will handle everything for her!
Holding his hand, Xia Mo tells Xiao Cheng to not worry as she has already cancelled her shoots for the next three days. As Xia Mo gently covers Xiao Cheng with the blanket, he tries to convince his sister otherwise but seeing the expression on her face, he decides to let it go.
*******
Xiao Cheng is fast asleep while Xia Mo sits quietly at his side. She knows something must have happened. Otherwise, Xiao Cheng wouldn’t be trying so hard to hide the truth from her and the doctors wouldn’t have such a serious expression…
God cannot be so cruel. He has never given Xiao Cheng anything; how can he harm him again?
No… Closing her eyes tightly, her chest feeling as if a thousand rocks have been stacked against her, Xia Mo can’t even breathe…
